Saturday, December 3, 2011


Today was one of the hardest and one of the best days yet.

My alarm went off for stretch and I literally felt altered. I could not move. Harder than any other morning. So I told Cara to go to stretch alone and I slept for another hour. Woke up and struggled through a very tough workout with Cameron. I focused today on pushing myself really hard. Even though I know I am giving a lot to my work outs, I know that I have more in me. Today was also last chance work out. If you watch the show, you know what a last chance work out entails. (If you don't watch the show, what the F is wrong with you?) Last chance is just that, your last chance to really push yourself before weigh in. Today I did not give up once. Even when I needed to slow it down or take a break, I kept going. The last chance work out is optional. Twenty-two people showed up today and I felt proud to be one of them. Cameron reminded us that it was optional and praised us for our dedication. I think what I loved most was that the ladies and guy, Cara and I have become close to were also there. Coming to this Resort, I never once thought about the relationships Cara and I would form, but that is turning out to be one of the highlights of this whole experience. In a matter of one week, we have met people that will be in our lives forever (even if they live in Idaho). Tonight it became very clear that these relationships are a huge part of the journey.

After the last chance work out, we had a break and I slept solid for 2 hours. We woke up and went to the graduation for departing guests. Each guest talked about their experience and every single person mentioned the relationships they have made with other guests. Everyone here, no matter their weight or ability, are here to make a change for the better. That common fact brings people together. During last chance, everyone was working so hard. Pushing themselves every step of the way. That really motivates me. When I want to give up, I can look around see all these amazing people running, lifting, focusing. Throughout the week, a wonderful lady that works for the Resort, comes around with a video camera to chronicle the work outs. They played the video after dinner tonight and it was a true example of people coming together to do one of the hardest things in life...change. The video was exactly what I needed on day 6. There is a profound bond that forms among people who are fighting for their lives. We all have different stories, but we are all here doing something to make better lives for ourselves. I feel honored to sweat beside these people. There is no judgment, no bullshit. Just raw emotion and tenacity. We all get a copy of the video so we can show anyone who wants to see it when we get home.

Today I worked out with a woman named Kim Hanks during last chance. We have met, but don't know each other well. She has many weeks at the Resort under her belt over the year so she knows the ropes. She pushed me to my limits. She is an ass kicker and works so hard during every work out. She runs fast, never stops and motivates me to do the same. Another example of how these relationships are a huge part of my journey. Of all our journeys. After the cardio circuit with Cameron, I really didn't think I had anything left in me for last chance, but Kim got me through and I am so proud of myself and so thankful for her.

I met another lovely lady tonight at graduation. We sat through dinner talking about her story. I asked her if I could share her story in the blog tonight because 1. it's a little rough and very personal, and 2. I take many things for granted in my life and hearing her story reminds me to be thankful.
Her name is Heather M. (different from my BL bestie Heather A.) and she is from North Carolina. She married her husband 4 years ago and they tried to get pregnant. Unsuccessful, they started IVF. After 4 trys and miscarrying 2 times, she wanted to take the money they were spending on IVF and put it towards adoption, but her husband was set on having a biological child. Doctors warned her that multiple IVF attempts have side affects, but they pushed on for a total of 7 IVF attempts. All failed. Last year she was diagnosed with cervical cancer. She was treated for it and had a hysterectomy. She lost all her hair, but is alive. During her battle with cancer, her husband cheated on her. She was devastated. She booked her trip to the Resort to get away and make her changes. She was supposed to be here for 4 weeks, but left tonight after two weeks because she is trying to work things out with her husband and he wants her to come home. Prior to leaving for the Resort, she was diagnosed with breast cancer and is scheduled to have a double mastectomy upon her return home. This woman sat through dinner telling me her story and all I could think about was why her? Why has all of this happened to her? And how the eff do I sit at home eating my emotions in a house I own, with a partner that loves me, a family that supports me, a great job, and great friends? Everyone's problems are their own, but when you hear a story like that, my problems don't seem as bad and I am almost angry with myself for my lame ass bullshit. Heather M left tonight and returns home to more struggle than one person should have in their lifetime. I wish only good things for Heather and hope she finds peace. I will remind myself of her everyday I think about crying or whining over something insignificant in hopes I send her some strength to make it through her day.

Shout outs: sweet friend. I miss you. Thank you for your letter and texts. You have been so successful in your journey and now reap the benefits of wearing your hot little outfits and hot little shoes. You have always motivated me to work harder and play harder. I love you, PFS.

Kim, my last chance partner...thank you. I can't believe I survived that.

To the BL staff...I can't thank you enough for my food, work outs, clean sheets, mental health, and support. You make the hard days a little easier and the good days fantastic.

Keith brother "Billy" the Jersey Fire make me laugh everyday. You have been a highlight this week for me and I know next week, our last week, will be even better because of the great guy you are. Thank you for your unconditional friendship and banter.

Heather A and Kelly "Potate"...ADORE YOU SO MUCH. Thank you for your friendship and food stories. I am glad we can laugh about it together.

Tips for the day:

You can make it through tuna with some mustard.

Perrier water is a gift from heaven.

Be grateful for your life and who you are everyday. Life is short. You are worth it.

1 comment:

  1. Great Blog! Very inspirational! I feel for Heather. I wish she stayed and told her Douchebag husband to F off! I've been through IVF 6 times and it sucks. It's an emotional rollercoast. I hope everything works out for her.. I can't wait to hear how much you lost the first week..