Tuesday, December 27, 2011

3:01 am

by Betty

I have never really realized how hard it is to stay on track at the holidays because I have never stayed on track ever before. I made it through Ryan Christmas, but Nicole's birthday, Christmas eve and Christmas day were much harder. I allowed myself my 10% at Nicole's birthday and I am well aware that not eating anything all day to save all your calories for a nacho bar is completely unacceptable, but I slept in and woke up at 2pm the day of her party. Nacho bar started at 6 and it's my frickin' journey, I will do what I want. I had 1 plate of nacho's with turkey meat, about a cup of real nacho (fake) cheese, 1 tbsp sour cream, salsa, lettuce, and olives. I also had a cupcake. Yes, I had a cupcake. I made sure I was mindful of every move I made and I ate the cupcake away from the group where I could enjoy it slowly (as opposed to my usual inhalation). With all of that I still managed to come in 100 calories under my daily goal. But it was hard. I wanted more.

Saturday (Christmas eve), we celebrated with my dad's side...Canepa Christmas. Out of all holiday food events, I usually look most forward to this dinner. Italians pair everything with this case, creamy pesto tortellini. Again, I stayed present and made choices that were fairly easy...only 4 little tortellini on my plate, took the skin off the chicken, small portions, etc. I did decide to have my first diet soda since I returned (the reason why I live) and I also indulged in a small piece of dessert with my first cup of decaf coffee since I returned. (This side of the family takes their coffee seriously). I kept within calories this day as well. However, I didn't want the dessert, but gave in against plan and I feel slightly guilty. It's hard.

I reviewed everything I ate and drank and this is what I have to say...IT WASN'T EVEN WORTH IT. The nacho's didn't feel good in my tummy, the diet soda wasn't great, the coffee was ok, and....get ready for this ish...the cupcake was a complete disappointment. (If you know me, your mouth is probably wide open right now). Jessica, the nutritionist at the  Biggest Loser Resort said our taste buds would change as we detoxed. I had an AHA! moment last night thinking about all of this. Food is fuel. I eat to live. I don't live to eat anymore. I thought I was treating myself with the nachos, soda, dessert and coffee, but all I left with was a greasy feeling and diarrhea. Merry effin' Christmas.

At 3am on Christmas eve, (my normal up all night before Christmas wrapping gifts marathon), I said 'AHA!' out loud, thought of Tara Costa (BL #7) and her AHA! moments, and vowed to myself that I will never be THAT girl ever again. THAT girl that lost herself and hid from anything that wasn't on a plate. I took a picture of the actual time on my stove during my AHA! moment (3:01am) and made it my cell wallpaper to remind myself of how I felt and what I promised myself. You know things have changed when your a cupcake worshiper and the cupcake is no longer worthy of worship.

This is it. Moments like these are essential for my momentum. Times get tough. Holidays happen. Never bet that anything in this world will change. You must be the change.

This year, 2011 into 2012, I am making the change. I'm going to win the day everyday.

AHA! One choice at a time...Merry Christmas.

I haven't weighed in yet. Still no alcohol. Tailbone and right foot are still really sore. Life is good.

Shout outs: are one of the strongest, most independent woman I know. I'm sorry you are alone this Christmas. Come to San Francisco next year!

Ranelle, Jerry, Gretchen and Chris, thank you so much for your support and unconditional love. Thank you for reading our blog and rooting for us. Christmas dinner was perfect and my 10% was spent on the best pecan pie I've ever had!


Use whole wheat bread for stuffing. It was really good! Thank you, Ranelle.

Canned jelled cranberry is my most favorite, but has a ridiculous amount of sugar in it. Everything in moderation.

This holiday season I used a give and take method to make good mindful choices. I didn't have champagne with dinner, so I had cranberry sauce. Small portions at dinner allowed me a small piece of dessert. I had some tortellini because I avoided the appetizers. A slightly bigger portion of stuffing because of the whole wheat bread. I survived the holidays with replacements and mindful choices.

Thank God it's over.


  1. I could not agree more. Thank God it's over!! My granddaughter is turning one tomorrow ... cake, ice-cream and pizza. Does my daughter not get it? I'll be bringing my own salad. You guys are doing great.

  2. I've been enjoying your blog entries so much!! Congratulations on your AHA moments - they are so inspiring.

    What is the 10% you are referring to? Is that like a weekly bonus that you allow yourself? (I'm used to weight watchers weekly bonus points).

  3. 90%--10% is a rule of eating Biggest Loser style. 90% of the time you are eating controlled healthy balanced meals/foods 10%=TREAT. This is a lifestyle change and part of making it a lasting change is to be sure that you are not depriving yourself of the things you enjoy but making all of those things MINDFUL. Example: I eat 3 meals a day=21 meals a week, I get 1 FREE meal as my 10%. This does not mean that I order an entire XL pizza and eat the whole thing, but I will have pizza portion controlled and still with a salad. Or I might plan all week for an event, dinner with friends a date night with my hubby, I will PLAN (aka mindful eating) look at a menu ahead of time to know what I want, if the dessert is what I want then I will have salmon and steamed veggies for dinner because that cheesecake is my 10% and I am making the rest of my week work with that 10%. With WW it is different in that what you have left over you can use on 1 meal (or more) but with BL it is important to remember that it is not about being able to eat more its still balanced and portion controlled. With WW I would save all my extra points to eat a greasy burger with fries, with BL I want to enjoy a healthy balanced meal. So far I have been turned off by the burger! Hoping that lasts.

  4. OMG!!! That is God's way of saying! "Hey! You just took how many weeks trying to get rid of that stuff and now you want to test your luck!" LOL! Isn't it funny how we change once we try what is actually good for us! Weird how our body decides that YES!! We do want the good for you food and in moderations!! :) I still wish you much success and a VERY blessed new year!!!! OXOXOXOXOXOOX

  5. If I could "like" this a zillion times, I would! :-) I'm experiencing the same struggles and can't believe the amount of focus and emphasis I put on food! Epiphanies galore!

  6. I love that you made 3:01am your wallpaper on your'll see that "Aha" reminder at least 20 times a day :)
    I'm so happy that you and Cara are doing so well. It would be so much easier to just live at the Resort with a chef and trainer!! Real life is hard... But you are getting to know yourself and your strengths every day. I'm amazed at how much they must teach you and how well you detox at the BLResort.... Worth every cent.
    I love all the advice you both share with us... Can't wait for the recipes!! "Eat to live.... " just change your thinking and it all makes sense!!
    So grateful for your blog...
    Merry Christmas....and Happy New Year... You're both going to kick a$$ in 2012!!

  7. I don't know how I missed this before... You are FAR above the game girl!! I definately experienced the not good in the tummy feeling..but I wish a cupcake would taste bad... Cake for me is an esophagasm!! LOL That is why I stay FAR away cause it is an avalanche food. You are completely in control Bri.. you KNOW what you what and AINT NOTHIN' getting in your way!