Oh Friday. I have missed you. Today was not quite as rough as all the other days, but that doesn't mean I didn't sweat through my shirt, suffered from serious respiratory distress and felt like I had vomit at the back of my throat all day. Whether it's me getting stronger, or just an easier day, today was slightly better. 'Slightly' being the key word.
Sometimes I can't believe how quick the days go. When my alarm goes off at 5:15am and then I snooze and get up after 5:30am and some annoying ass comments from Cara about me being on 'Betty time', I feel like the day will never end. Stretch, then breakfast, then the 'effin hike which never ends, then back to the Resort for stretch, lunch, a lecture and then 3 back-to-back work outs before dinner...it flies by. There is so little time in between our 2nd work out and water time that we run back to our rooms rip our sweaty clothes off, throw them on the floor and pull on our swimsuits and run back to the pool. Today I got to the pool and realized I didn't put on my flip flops. How does one forget their shoes? I walked bare foot and didn't even notice. It's hectic, but the structure provides us with a packed day full of everything we need. Trust the process.
Cara and I were so close to only booking one week at the Resort when we first started talking about it. One week is definitely enough to give you a jump start to return home with lot's of lessons and prep, however, I am so happy we booked two weeks. Meeting today with the 'stay-over' people reminded me of that. Both Cara and I have a lot of work to do to prepare for home. We are being detoxed from our additions and eating disorders which I feel, for me, needs more than 1 week. I feel like this week I accomplished a lot. Physically, I have never worked this hard in my entire life. I am eating well and drinking tons of water. I feel cleaner inside. Not sure if that makes sense, but I have distinct recollection of actually saying "I feel greasy inside" after eating fast food. How disgusting, right? The food here is fresh, creative, yummy and most importantly prepared for us. Food is the reason I am here so it helps that I don't even have to think about it. I just eat what's in front of me and get to focus on my mental and physical state.
Everyday I think about returning home. The prep that I need to do and want to be diligent about. I need to clean out my cabinets and fridge and get my ass to Trader Joe's the second I get back. I need new Tupperware to pack my food. A gym membership. And a solid routine. I need to work a set number of hours everyday that I can plan my workouts around. I need to prep my food and cook for a couple days in advance. The key for me is to always have something available and ready to eat at home and with me at all times. I know I can't find myself hungry with nothing to eat. I am a food addict. If you have ever been addicted to anything or know someone who has, you know removing any potential obstacles is important.
I believe there are events in our lives that leave significant impacts. Impacts that make us see life differently whether bad or good. Some of the significant events in my last 5 years involve the birth of my two nephews, my FEMA strike team deployment to the Hurricanes in the Gulf, my promotion at work, my friendship with Kian, Nicole moving back home, the purchase of my home with Monica, my weight gain and now my experience at the Biggest Loser Resort. I am so blessed to have the opportunity to make this happen for myself. Let's be honest, this place isn't cheap and leaving work and home isn't necessarily realistic for the average hard working person. I am so thankful that my general manager, Jerry Souza approved my 2 weeks and supports my journey. I have watched the Biggest Loser for many years and whenever I hear the contestants say 'if I can do this, you can do this' I want to throw the remote at the TV and go find some chips, a sandwich, soda and cake. I have been so out of shape and so unmotivated that doing something like this was so far from any possibility. I still can't quite believe I am here. But I am. And this event in my life has and will continue to change me. It has made me a better me. It will change my life forever. What I want to say is that if you are struggling in your life and think things will just not get any better, MAKE THE CHANGE NOW. What was I waiting for? All those years of shame, embarrassment, fear, avoidance I can never get back. But I can make up for it now. The time is now. Not tomorrow. Now. Do it. Save your life. You are worth it. I am worth it.
Cara and I realize that not everyone can get to the Resort in Malibu, but the lessons we have learned must be shared. We have decided to plan a Biggest Loser day when we get back. We will invite all our friends and family and provide copies of all the lessons and work outs as well as tips to get your ass out of bed in the morning. We are by no means experts, but we have learned from the best and want to share it with anyone who wants it. Our journey has just begun thanks to all we have learned here. Words do no justice to the gratitude I have for this experience.
Shout out's:
Cameron, one of the trainers. He is 25 years old, but has the wisdom of someone much older. He is genuine and so motivating. He's got swag which is what I love most about him. He will drop some funny comments that not everyone picks up which I appreciate so much. He sat with us at dinner and talked about the training he does with disabled people. He has the biggest heart and is invested in his craft which makes him so good at what he does.
John my hiking guide. He walked with me the entire hike. The hike today was so hard for me. I wanted to give up so many times. He is an EMT and aspiring paramedic so we talked about pharmacology, heart rhythms, and some of my craziest calls. I love how dedicated he is to emergency medicine and will be giving him a huge recommendation for AMR in Ventura County. If I could get him to move to San Francisco I would hire him in a second. I wish him the best.
Meg Gazaway, and Kelly 'Potate' McCain, my new BL friends, I am so thankful for you. You are such beautiful people that have made me feel stronger than I have ever felt in my life. In one week, I feel like I have known you for years. I was blessed to be able to come here with my sister, but your friendship and efforts inspire me everyday. I adore you.
Heather Acheson, my Cardio Disco dance partner and fellow detoxer, I have seen you in pain everyday and know that this is not easy for anyone let alone someone with injuries. You work so hard and make me want to work harder. We have just started talking about our journeys, but I believe we have some very similar things to share with each other. You are a strong, beautiful woman that deserves the life you want. We live close, so leaving the Resort will not be the end of our journey together. Cara and I will always be right beside you in the Bay. Thank you for your honesty and raw emotion. I appreciate you.
Noochie...(Nicole, sister), I am so proud of you. I hate that I have missed these last basketball games, but your team is 3-0! You are a leader and have the opportunity to impact the lives of these SI girls that look up to you as a female collegiate athlete. I can't wait to come cheer you and your girls on when we get back. You are so amazing and I am so proud to be your sister. I rock my Oregon Tee's everyday and think about you everyday. I love you, Noochie. So much. GO WILDCATS!
Cara, hiker of the year, good work. Keep it up. You are stronger and more fierce than I thought and I have always thought you were a baddass. I could not do this without you. I love you more than I hate hikes.
Tips of the day:
If you count your foot steps, you will go further. I literally counted all my foot steps on the 'effin hike today and survived.
I am an ice fan. I have always filled my glass with ice. I am in heaven here with a great big ice machine. Ice and lemon make me drink so much more water.
Don't forget your flip flops.
Sometimes I can't believe how quick the days go. When my alarm goes off at 5:15am and then I snooze and get up after 5:30am and some annoying ass comments from Cara about me being on 'Betty time', I feel like the day will never end. Stretch, then breakfast, then the 'effin hike which never ends, then back to the Resort for stretch, lunch, a lecture and then 3 back-to-back work outs before dinner...it flies by. There is so little time in between our 2nd work out and water time that we run back to our rooms rip our sweaty clothes off, throw them on the floor and pull on our swimsuits and run back to the pool. Today I got to the pool and realized I didn't put on my flip flops. How does one forget their shoes? I walked bare foot and didn't even notice. It's hectic, but the structure provides us with a packed day full of everything we need. Trust the process.
Cara and I were so close to only booking one week at the Resort when we first started talking about it. One week is definitely enough to give you a jump start to return home with lot's of lessons and prep, however, I am so happy we booked two weeks. Meeting today with the 'stay-over' people reminded me of that. Both Cara and I have a lot of work to do to prepare for home. We are being detoxed from our additions and eating disorders which I feel, for me, needs more than 1 week. I feel like this week I accomplished a lot. Physically, I have never worked this hard in my entire life. I am eating well and drinking tons of water. I feel cleaner inside. Not sure if that makes sense, but I have distinct recollection of actually saying "I feel greasy inside" after eating fast food. How disgusting, right? The food here is fresh, creative, yummy and most importantly prepared for us. Food is the reason I am here so it helps that I don't even have to think about it. I just eat what's in front of me and get to focus on my mental and physical state.
Everyday I think about returning home. The prep that I need to do and want to be diligent about. I need to clean out my cabinets and fridge and get my ass to Trader Joe's the second I get back. I need new Tupperware to pack my food. A gym membership. And a solid routine. I need to work a set number of hours everyday that I can plan my workouts around. I need to prep my food and cook for a couple days in advance. The key for me is to always have something available and ready to eat at home and with me at all times. I know I can't find myself hungry with nothing to eat. I am a food addict. If you have ever been addicted to anything or know someone who has, you know removing any potential obstacles is important.
I believe there are events in our lives that leave significant impacts. Impacts that make us see life differently whether bad or good. Some of the significant events in my last 5 years involve the birth of my two nephews, my FEMA strike team deployment to the Hurricanes in the Gulf, my promotion at work, my friendship with Kian, Nicole moving back home, the purchase of my home with Monica, my weight gain and now my experience at the Biggest Loser Resort. I am so blessed to have the opportunity to make this happen for myself. Let's be honest, this place isn't cheap and leaving work and home isn't necessarily realistic for the average hard working person. I am so thankful that my general manager, Jerry Souza approved my 2 weeks and supports my journey. I have watched the Biggest Loser for many years and whenever I hear the contestants say 'if I can do this, you can do this' I want to throw the remote at the TV and go find some chips, a sandwich, soda and cake. I have been so out of shape and so unmotivated that doing something like this was so far from any possibility. I still can't quite believe I am here. But I am. And this event in my life has and will continue to change me. It has made me a better me. It will change my life forever. What I want to say is that if you are struggling in your life and think things will just not get any better, MAKE THE CHANGE NOW. What was I waiting for? All those years of shame, embarrassment, fear, avoidance I can never get back. But I can make up for it now. The time is now. Not tomorrow. Now. Do it. Save your life. You are worth it. I am worth it.
Cara and I realize that not everyone can get to the Resort in Malibu, but the lessons we have learned must be shared. We have decided to plan a Biggest Loser day when we get back. We will invite all our friends and family and provide copies of all the lessons and work outs as well as tips to get your ass out of bed in the morning. We are by no means experts, but we have learned from the best and want to share it with anyone who wants it. Our journey has just begun thanks to all we have learned here. Words do no justice to the gratitude I have for this experience.
Shout out's:
Cameron, one of the trainers. He is 25 years old, but has the wisdom of someone much older. He is genuine and so motivating. He's got swag which is what I love most about him. He will drop some funny comments that not everyone picks up which I appreciate so much. He sat with us at dinner and talked about the training he does with disabled people. He has the biggest heart and is invested in his craft which makes him so good at what he does.
John my hiking guide. He walked with me the entire hike. The hike today was so hard for me. I wanted to give up so many times. He is an EMT and aspiring paramedic so we talked about pharmacology, heart rhythms, and some of my craziest calls. I love how dedicated he is to emergency medicine and will be giving him a huge recommendation for AMR in Ventura County. If I could get him to move to San Francisco I would hire him in a second. I wish him the best.
Meg Gazaway, and Kelly 'Potate' McCain, my new BL friends, I am so thankful for you. You are such beautiful people that have made me feel stronger than I have ever felt in my life. In one week, I feel like I have known you for years. I was blessed to be able to come here with my sister, but your friendship and efforts inspire me everyday. I adore you.
Heather Acheson, my Cardio Disco dance partner and fellow detoxer, I have seen you in pain everyday and know that this is not easy for anyone let alone someone with injuries. You work so hard and make me want to work harder. We have just started talking about our journeys, but I believe we have some very similar things to share with each other. You are a strong, beautiful woman that deserves the life you want. We live close, so leaving the Resort will not be the end of our journey together. Cara and I will always be right beside you in the Bay. Thank you for your honesty and raw emotion. I appreciate you.
Noochie...(Nicole, sister), I am so proud of you. I hate that I have missed these last basketball games, but your team is 3-0! You are a leader and have the opportunity to impact the lives of these SI girls that look up to you as a female collegiate athlete. I can't wait to come cheer you and your girls on when we get back. You are so amazing and I am so proud to be your sister. I rock my Oregon Tee's everyday and think about you everyday. I love you, Noochie. So much. GO WILDCATS!
Cara, hiker of the year, good work. Keep it up. You are stronger and more fierce than I thought and I have always thought you were a baddass. I could not do this without you. I love you more than I hate hikes.
Tips of the day:
If you count your foot steps, you will go further. I literally counted all my foot steps on the 'effin hike today and survived.
I am an ice fan. I have always filled my glass with ice. I am in heaven here with a great big ice machine. Ice and lemon make me drink so much more water.
Don't forget your flip flops.
Hey Bri....I think you LOOOOOOOOOOVE hiking and you just don't want to admit it!!! ;)
ReplyDeleteThere is a guy in the Bay Area that does yoga/hikes.. I am just saying. I am actually taking one of his y/h in SF in January during the SF Yoga Conference. So I will let you know how it goes.
Well.....one more week. Sounds like you two are just getting the swing of things! I am impressed!! You guys ROCK!!! Keep it up! One more week...just imagine how fast it will go, and you will cry on your last day! I know you will!!!! You have just made new friends and touched lives of others there and here! Soooo, get ya some tissue!!! I know it's coming...I can feeeeeeellllll it!!!!
Love ya!!
Suzie
OXOXOXOXOXO
I'm sitting here trying to catch up on my readings with your life changing adventures and stumbled across this one. Wow. I've never laughed so hard. I love you soooo much and I am so incredibly proud of you Bri. You are one of the smartest women I know but my god you are the most stubborn asshole I know too. I can hear in your words that this experience has humbled you and opened your eyes to a new world filled with opportunities and motivation to live your life FOR YOU. Money comes and goes, and this experience was a "hit you in the gut and take your breath away" amount, but, what you've gotten from it...priceless....and to invest in yourself is the best possible investment anyone can make. When you talked about watching biggest loser and throwing your remote....anger....lol....me....I cry and think, god i'm sooo weak. We all have our own way of interpreting things and resolving our own issues, i'm glad you took this step. I'm glad you're using that italian attitude for your own good. You got this Bri!!! GO BRI AND CARA! GO BRI AND CARA! IF YOU CAN'T DO IT, NO ONE CAN! And for the record.....our friendship has been an unforgetable event for me too. You've changed me in so many positive ways. You helped me to grow up, and to be stronger. Some people are in eachother's lives just for a reason, some for only a season and some for a lifetime. I'm so thankful that I met you and that we'll be friends until the end of time.
ReplyDeleteI love you rock and I'm so, i'm so, i'm so proud of you!
Kian
p.s. Cara told me something once and it has sticked to me ever since...."if you fail to plan, you plan to fail"....be ready when you come home because it's easy to back slide when you're not prepared and you deserve it to yourself to keep this going. Both of you.