Today I turned 32 years old. Birthdays haven’t been my thing since bear shaped cakes and goodie bags. I have dreaded my birthday every year since I was 22. I have always spent birthdays reflecting. Most years I have spent reflecting on how unhealthy and unhappy I am. Hence, my dread. Every year I get older I reflect on how much I either have not done or need to do and I have tried to avoid the reality that I am not where I have wanted to be each year my birthday comes around. Usually, several pounds heavier and always a critic of my own success, if I was able to avoid my birthday altogether, it was a great day. This year is different. This year I reflect on my life and recognize I am a completely different person than I was when I turned 31 or any year before that. And please don’t get me wrong, I know how lucky I am and what a wonderful life I have, but internally, I have been dying inside. Literally. I was unhappy with myself and on my birthdays I would look back at what I had done to myself and regret each year that I didn’t change. Physical and mental successes are truly unique to each person so though, I have heard many times that I was successful in life; I could never really quite accept it. For me, I had been failing. This negative mental attitude contributed to each year being worse than the year before. And how sad that is when I have so much to be happy about and proud of. But like I said, this year is different. Like my journey, it doesn’t just change overnight, so I am still “bah-humbugging" some thoughts about singing and blowing out candles, but my reflection this year has brought so many emotions to the surface. Birthdays are about life. This year I have saved my life. I have taken control of my life and made changes that have reminded me I am alive and that my life is worth living. Not just my healthy lifestyle, but my career. Though today has been extremely emotional, I know that the last 13 years have been successful. There have been hard days, but look at where I am today. I have an amazing career with a company that has provided me with so much opportunity. And more than that, so many friends. There are people that become family. There are friends that I will love forever. There are people who know my soul and love me still. There are people who I will keep in my heart and mind forever. I look at my career and I know that I have made changes in people’s lives, even if small. That is all I have ever wanted to do. I am humbled by my reflections and I am so grateful for all the people that I have in my life.
What I know is that I am 32 and very blessed. I have reflected on this day and what I must say here on
this blog is that I vow to myself and to all of you reading that my life will never be the same again. I will stay committed to myself and my work every minute of every day and know that I am worth it. I know without reservation that I am blessed.
“The purpose of life is a life of purpose” –Robert Byrne
To my sisters: the last 3 days have been the best of my life. You make me the person I am. I love you
more than life and more every day.
To Jerry Souza…you have given me opportunity and have mentored my leadership. I dedicate this blog
post to you. I have never respected someone more. Thank you for being my fan and role model and
know that your integrity and work ethic are contagious. I am so much better because of you. My goal is
that we find ourselves working together again.
To my AMR SF Lifesavers…YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE…Thank you for making the last 3 years the greatest of my career. It has been my honor working with and for you. Though I am not going to be there every day, I am still part of the team and will always be completely invested in supporting you and seeing our operation THRIVE...(word choice: in true Kaiser employee fashion) I love you all so very much.
To my Biggest Loser Lifesavers: Cara, Nicole, Kelly, Heather, Meg, Keith, Amanda, Haley, Michael…this weekend was the greatest weekend of my life and I am profoundly grateful that you support my journey. You are helping me save my life and you have my word that I will support you and yours every step of the way. Van 3 fo life b!t@hes!
Victor: Let’s celebrate life baby! Happy birthday (Sunday)!!!!!!
To me on your day of birth: Believe in yourself. Trust the process. Change forever. You are f&!king badass.
It’s your birthday. It’s ok to have cake.
"How does a girl plummeting into a rabbit hole come out unchanged? She doesn't."
-Alice in Wonderland