To echo Cara’s last post “Reality of Life”, life does get in the way. And to clarify, I am a busy person, but no one is busier than a parent. I am lucky in the sense that my time is MY time. I can be quite selfish in how I structure my day, my food and my workouts. (How breeders do it is beyond me.) But that doesn’t mean I have it much easier. I repeat how hard it is many times in my blog posts because prior to starting my journey I would read all these sticky sweet bio’s of people who lost hundreds of pounds, but nothing about how hard it was. All the magazines that feature people losing weight, all the famous success stories like Jennifer Hudson…nothing about their struggle. I would always wonder how people dealt with the hard days. But you never see a magazine article describing their doubt, tears, anger or shame. Just “Oh Hi, I was fat and now I am not and I eat oatmeal now”. Well, I am still fat and still struggle and don’t want to hide that. Especially, if there is even one person reading this blog in need of real motivation and inspiration…if you are like me, you want to know that it’s hard for the people that are on track and trying. Don’t feel like you are the only one doubting the possibility of success. I do every day. I’m sure this doesn’t surprise anyone, but I refuse to sugar coat this journey. Sugar is one of the reasons I am unhealthy, so there will be none of it here. THIS SHIT IS HARD. It’s hard every-effin’-day. But nothing worth anything is going to be easy. I don’t expect it to be easy either. I have an addiction to food and I notice it every day. I still struggle with emotional eating. I can tell when I am eating because I am upset or fearful or stressed out. That type of eating is not healthy for me mentally, but I refuse to eat anything unhealthy. I have not binged, but I have caught myself many times eating my apple or rice cake because of an emotional response. I log all of those incidents as instructed by Essara, my BL Resort Life Coach who I still channel and text anytime I need her. I have many triggers in my life that make we want to turn to food. However, triggers have changed since I have returned home from the Resort and though food is what I know, my coping mechanisms have changed as well. I do a lot of focused breathing throughout the day to clear my mind. I try to do so much and I must realize it’s just not all possible to have everything as I want it to be as quickly as I need it to be. Same with my weight loss. It will not happen overnight and I don’t expect it to. There are things I do every day that contribute to my success on this journey and I will share a few here:
I sweat. Let’s face it people, working out SUCKS! There is little I dislike more right now. But not one day goes by where I don’t do something to burn calories. Michael Friedman, our personal trainer has been pivotal in our lives as I never find myself sweating or breathing as hard on my own. Cara and I are working out with him together for now and the goal is 2 times a week with Michael, 5 times a week on our own. Move your ass people. It’s the only way. (Even if sometimes I would rather poke my eye out with a hot, Tabasco dipped fork.)
I eat 1400 calories a day. I have been getting a little frustrated with food recently because I feel like I have been eating the same stuff over and over again. However, every time I feel myself start to get pissed off at ground turkey and spinach, I remember food is fuel. It doesn’t have to be glamorous. It just needs to be the right stuff. Find what works and eat it. Ground turkey and spinach work great for me. The trick for me is to never find myself without food. I always carry a low fat string cheese, a piece of fruit (usually an apple so it doesn’t get nasty in my bag) and a 100 calorie package of nuts. Food is one of the hardest parts for me, but it is critical that I renew my relationship with food. I owe lots of love to that lady Jennie-O.
Be mindful of everything. This is the key for me. Be aware and don’t allow yourself to give up. I drive past McDonald’s every day and no one would know if I just stopped in for a little visit, but then I remind myself of how I used to feel after eating that crap (gut rumbles and acne) and I know that’s part of my past. Drive on past.
Stay connected to other people who are working just as hard. Working out with my sister is one of the greatest things I am doing right now to stay connected. Granted we are sisters and whether I workout with her or not, she is a huge support, but being next to her during a Michael workout makes me want to be there. I see Meg and Heather and Kelly and Keith and Tracy and Amanda all working so hard and I know this is what I should be doing for myself. There are so many people who have contributed to my every day and I am so thankful.
Update: my scale is broken so I don’t have an updated number for you, but I fit in clothes I was ready to give away a few months ago and I can feel the stress off my knees. I can feel the change and that is all that matters. Trust the process.
Jessica Johnson: my lovely friend. As Cara described in her post, Jess sent us amazing little gifts that are true to her generosity and unconditional support. I worked many hours on an ambulance with her hubby, Dave (Mighty 265 fo life). Dave and Jessica are two people that I never want to live without. There are people on this planet that make it better for everyone else, and they are two of them. Thank you, Jessica for thinking of us and supporting us every day. I love you more than life.
Lisa Peterson: a work friend. Your phone call this week to me was so timely. Thank you for checking in on me and my struggles. You have always been such a support and it helps so much to have someone who understands what stress our work brings. Our weekly phone call vent sessions have saved my mental state.
Jonna Hensley: HAPPY BIRTHDAY (yesterday)! You are one of the reasons my life is so great. Your friendship and insight have changed me to be a better person and I can’t wait to live the rest of our adventures together. Enjoy every moment of your life. You deserve it.
To Sarah Nitta…(We met Sarah our 2nd week at BLR. Sarah was on Biggest Loser Season 11 and now works at the Resort in Utah) on many of my hardest days I remember that Dog Park hike you walked with me and I cried the entire way. You reminded me that days will be hard and it’s all in the attitude you have that helps you get through them. I dedicate this post to you and thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing your story with us. You are a true inspiration and I will forever hold you in my heart.
Please take a moment to view Sarah’s story. I have never been more moved by anything in my life. She is an amazing lady and I can’t actually believe I can call her a friend. She has helped me save my life. Her sister captured a You Tube video that gives you an idea of her journey.