Intro by Cara
I think Brianne has mentioned that I handle the "IT" side of this blog. Editing, photo shopping, and posting. She writes I read and post and add a photo or two. I have to say that this next post, might be one of her best. Maybe because having these moments are so important, but mostly because while at the resort and even before I saw how vulnerable my sister was. Today, she has made such amazing steps forward in the mental game of this journey. I am so so proud of you. And I will NEVER give up on you.
60 Days and a Major ‘AHA’
My biggest fear leaving the Resort last November was coming home and effin it all up. Though the Resort begins working with you the moment you arrive to prepare you for life at home, they have never dealt with me before. I have made many attempts at this weight loss thing. Weight watchers, The Lemonade Diet, Cabbage Soup, Atkins, starvation…all ended the same way…failure and 30+ extra pounds. This time is so different. There are many factors that go into this journey’s success, but I am telling you now, this is it. I have started something I am determined to see through and live out in my daily life until my last breath.
Today is Day 3 of a 60 Day Challenge I am a part of through my trainer, John aka Body By JHeb. It’s 60 days of some serious focus on clean food, exercise and Shakeology (Google it). Though just day 3, I have had a serious AHA moment. Yesterday, Mike Messina, the at home winner of Biggest Loser Season 13, told his story on a conference call where people across the country dialed in to hear him speak. It was one of the most inspiring stories to hear and this was my second time hearing it. He is several months out after winning the at home prize and has some new insight I want to share.
One theme that I keep struggling with is the how daunting I feel my journey is. With 125 pounds to still lose, it’s not going to happen overnight, but it wasn’t gained overnight either. This is a process and I trust the process. Mike explained that after losing all his weight, it does get easier. I needed to hear this. Granted, the smaller you get, the harder it is to lose, but at goal weight, maintenance doesn’t feel like it does now…like a complete hot ass mess. He said that early on in his journey he decided to stop fighting it and started accepting it. I realized while he spoke that I have been fighting it. I try to keep a positive mental attitude (PMA…inspired by my hero Tara Costa), but it’s not easy. I have thought about giving up many times. I have weakened from the focus I never wanted to see waiver after returning home from my 22 pound loss at the Resort. I haven’t cheated and I haven’t gained, but I haven’t been sharp either. I forget to track my food sometimes, I drink Diet soda from time to time and though I do workout, I need to work out harder and longer and my mental state has been challenged and blurred. I am already fighting for my life; I don’t need to be fighting any other battles. So today, I accept it. I accept this healthy lifestyle with a sense of pride, tenacity, and patience. Instead of dreading my workouts, I will enjoy them and know I am living the life I have chosen. I will eat clean and mindful because it’s good for my body and because it’s my choice to do so. I have accepted that I have 125 pounds to lose and celebrate the 76 pounds I have already lost. This is a journey. There isn’t an end. I accept that. I am thankful for the chance to live how I want to live and that no decisions have been made for me because of my unhealthy weight.
I listened to Mike talk and I dropped a few tears not only because I am so proud of him, but because he is just like me. He lost 160 pounds without any surgery or magic. Just trusting in the process and working with a couple of amazing trainers. His conference call ended. I washed my face and got dressed to go get my ass completely kicked during 1 hour of Body by JHeb kick boxing sesh and may I say I LOVED IT! I felt like I kicked the shit out of the fight I was in with myself and left his gym with a renewed sense of who I am and what I want.
A true AHA! moment.
To me: Do you remember how hard it used to be to get out of bed? To dry off after a shower? To be out in the sun? Do you remember that horrible feeling of greezy stomach after a fast food binge? Do you remember how bad you felt about yourself every single day? How sad? How scared? Do you remember the depression? The fear? Do you remember worrying about clothes not fitting? How your knees felt? Do you remember how your life was passing you by and you just kept eating? Do you remember standing in the kitchen alone crying and angry trying to fix it all with food? Do you remember eating more when already stuffed and feeling sick? Do you remember how you never wanted to go anywhere or do anything or talk to anyone about your weight? Do you remember how much you missed? How disappointed you have been in yourself?
Do you remember?
WELL, FORGET ALL ABOUT IT, you crazy B! YOU ARE NOT THAT PERSON ANYMORE. You have come so far and I am so proud of you.
This journey is not a job. It doesn’t start and then end. This journey is a process.