{My Why}

 by Betty

T’was an amazing weekend. In fact, my last several weekends have been bomb. There was a time not long ago where my weekends were spent sleeping until 2pm, waking up to eat, watching TV, eating again and going back to sleep. I so don’t even know that person anymore. This past weekend entailed Body By J-Heb Boot Camp, my dear friend Dylan’s birthday party, dinner with BLR alum and bestie, Heather, the end of my quarter in school…with a much needed upcoming quarter off, some good sleep and Target. (Love me some Target.) On my way home from dinner with Heather, I started thinking about My Why.

My Why is best described by one of my Beach Body Shakeology coach’s, Tiffany Gaspie as the reason why you would run into a burning building. Though this journey is about clean eating and exercise, to be successful, ya gotta get ya mind right. It’s all mental. It is important to figure out My Why to stay focused, on track, motivated and if ever off track, reminded of why you started in the first place. My Why isn’t the same as fitting into a dress or looking good for a social function; it is why I choose to live a healthy life. The reason I get up everyday. Why I am so grateful. Why I live.

This concept is complex. I immediately thought, of course, it’s my family and friemily (friends that are family). Nothing means more to me and nothing ever will. Not completely satisfied with this Why, I decided to dig a little deeper reminding myself to make My Why about me in my relationships. Why would I run back into a burning building?

To know me is to know I would do anything for anyone in my life. I am not a saint (close), but I do know unconditional love and selfless service. My relationships have always meant the most to me for as long as I can remember. The quality of my relationships is the reason I get out of bed everyday. I feel profoundly fortunate to have people in my life that know me well and love me still. I am honored to share my life with people who inspire me, teach me, laugh with me, and understand me. My relationships connect me, ground me and make me a better person. I like to think I share my life with some of the greatest people on the planet.

My Why:  My word. I frequently say “You have my word and my word is all I got”. To trust someone completely, takes all of me. To allow someone to trust me, takes all of me. My word is as good as I am and for the last 10 years, I have not been good. I have been a shell…a fake shell. My intentions have been good, but like I have said before, good intentions without action make it all crap. If my word is to be as good as the person I am, then my word has been shit.

To everyone in my life, family and friemly, I give you my word that I will work every day to be the best me for me…and you. And you all know who you are. Nothing means more.

Update: I am on Day 22 of my 60 Day Shakeology Challenge and I have lost 27 pounds in 27 days. Granted this is a huge weight loss, and would not be normal results for everyone, however, I do feel a major difference in my energy level and insides. I replace one meal a day with Shakeology and eat clean the rest of the day. Currently, I am working out 7 days a week with a trainer and on my own. All my workouts are different involving cardio, kick boxing, circuit training, resistance and weight lifting. I have learned more about the person I am in the last 22 days than I have in the last 8 months. I feel strong. Committed. Vulnerable. And hilarious! I have never been more proud of myself.

Shout outs:

Heather: You came into my life at the darkest of times and you have made it all so worth it. Thanks for getting me.

To Johnny and my fellow Body By J-Heb Boot Campers and 60 Day Shakeology Challengers: Just like my 2 weeks at the Biggest Loser Resort, this journey has been made all worth it by the relationships that have developed. I feel unconditionally supported and encouraged and nothing feels better. Thank you for putting up with my swearing, ladder complaints and J-Heb shit talking. You are all such an instrumental part of my journey and I will forever be grateful.

To Dylan…your courage inspires me beyond words. Should I ever wonder if I am doing the right thing for myself, I will think of you.

To me: Now you know My Why. It’s about being the best you for you and for them. Never forget or lose sight of Why you started, Why you continue and Why you will live this fit life until your last breath. You have one life to live and you aren’t getting any younger. The time is now and you are so worth it.

Tips:

Think about your My Why. Why do you do what you do? Figure it out, journal it, and always think about it when darkness falls. It will light your way. 

Committed to my Goals

Week 1 of Committed To My Goals

As mentioned, I am doing a 60 day challenge with Body by JHeb and coach, Tiffany Gaspie. I am eating extremely mindfully clean, replacing one meal with Shakeology and putting in some serious sweaty work. No soda, 100+ ounces of water every day and some major PMA (positive mental attitude) changes.

The group I am doing the challenge with meets in a private Facebook group daily and shares meals plans and workouts. John and Tiffany are awesome and provide tons of feedback and encouragement. I needed another jump start and this has definitely done it. Throughout my journey, I recognize that I need little kicks in the ass from time to time to reset me. This challenge has done just that.

I just finished week 1 and I lost 8 pounds. 8 mutha f*%kin pounds! Boom.

Here’s what I did:

I am eating 1300-1440 calories a day.

Breakfast: usually my Shakeology meal replacement with a piece of fruit.

Snack: Non-fat greek yogurt, carrots or raw green beans.

Lunch: Leftovers from dinner or whole wheat sandwich thin with 1 tbsp natural peanut butter, carrots or another veggie, piece of fruit.

Snack: hard boiled egg, veggies, string cheese or yogurt

Dinner: extra lean ground turkey patty or grilled chicken with a green veggie (usually spinach), or an egg white scramble with bell peppers and onion.

Snack: If do a late workout or miss a snack throughout the day, I may add a snack after dinner.

I use a lot of fresh herbs, onion, garlic and salsa for taste. Food is the biggest focus for me right now as it has been the biggest problem for me in the past. I plan and pack all my food and am never without something to eat. I am trying to create a healthy habitual eating style that doesn’t take a lot of work or thought.

Workouts: Since my last AHA moment blog, my workouts have seriously improved. Accepting the fact that it’s going to suck has really made me push harder. I have caught myself in the past going a little easy on some workouts in fear that I will fatigue to quickly and give up. What a lame way of thinking. Why go easy? Just go all out. Bust it. This past week I worked with both my trainers, Michael and John. I did one hour of some serious kick boxing with John on Tuesday. Treadmill with it off (making the belt go on my own against the resistance), abs and planks on my own Wednesday. Battle ropes, kick boxing, and little bit of everything Thursday with John again to the point of where I wanted to DFO (done fall out). Friday, I saw Michael and his treadmill. For one hour, he had me do some crazy shit…sprints, inclines, holding weights, resistance bands ecter-f*&kin-a. Killer. I wanted to die. Thought I was going to die. But didn’t. Killed it. Burned over 5,000 calories by the end of the day. Saturday, I spent 2 hours in the sand in SoCal, jogging and walking, abs, planks and some Shaun T style back work. I also spent an hour in the ocean on a surf board and boogie board for the first time ever (Thanks Vic). Major workout. Sunday, an hour in the ocean and on the sand.

In my first week of some serious focus, I lost 8 pounds. And the week before, I prepped myself for this 60 day challenge and lost 5 pounds. 14 pounds in 2 weeks and I am feeling renewed. There is a light that burns inside of all of us. Mine is blazing right now.

Today, starts week 2 and I am working out every day and eating clean. I love Shakeology, but Shakeology isn’t the secret. Granted it provides me with tons of micronutrients that I would normally not get all in one day and therefore, tons TONS of healthy energy, but the secret to this is no secret. It’s good, clean, fresh, portion controlled food and lots of sweat.

So what is different now? This journey makes several turns and sometimes U-turns. It’s all part of it. The important thing to do is to never give up. Bad day? Get right back on. Never stop.

Shout outs:

John (aka Body by JHeb, aka Game Changer), you have invested your time, sweat and energy into me and I am so grateful. I know this is your job and even though you do love your job and are very good at it, it’s so much more than that. You are changing lives. Saving lives. We connected from the jump and I adore you. Thank you for your patience, daily dose of encouragement and friendship. I love you, boo. Let’s do something awesome.

Michael…I’m baaaaaaack and obviously, so are you…with a vengeance. That treadmill workout was more than I ever though I could do, but you have believed in me from day 1 and I’ve never felt stronger. I love you more than being done with that workout.

To my Committed to My Goals team and Tiffany: Thank you for being honest and lovely. I feel inspired and pushed by all of you. We may all be at different places on our journey, but it’s all the same. Work is work and you all put it in. Boot camp beasts for life.

Tips:

If you find yourself off track, realign your goals, your perspective and always maintain a positive mental attitude. Surround yourself with people that guide you, teach you and love you. You may miss a TV show or two or time doing other things, but nothing is more important than the choices you’re making right now.

Accept this fit life. It’s the bomb dot com.

Light ya fire.

“You have to fight through some bad days to earn the best days of your life”

{Betty's AHA! Moment}

Intro by Cara

I think Brianne has mentioned that I handle the "IT" side of this blog. Editing, photo shopping, and posting. She writes I read and post and add a photo or two. I have to say that this next post, might be one of her best. Maybe because having these moments are so important, but mostly because while at the resort and even before I saw how vulnerable my sister was. Today, she has made such amazing steps forward in the mental game of this journey. I am so so proud of you. And I will NEVER give up on you. 

60 Days and a Major ‘AHA’

My biggest fear leaving the Resort last November was coming home and effin it all up. Though the Resort begins working with you the moment you arrive to prepare you for life at home, they have never dealt with me before. I have made many attempts at this weight loss thing. Weight watchers, The Lemonade Diet, Cabbage Soup, Atkins, starvation…all ended the same way…failure and 30+ extra pounds. This time is so different. There are many factors that go into this journey’s success, but I am telling you now, this is it. I have started something I am determined to see through and live out in my daily life until my last breath.

Today is Day 3 of a 60 Day Challenge I am a part of through my trainer, John aka Body By JHeb. It’s 60 days of some serious focus on clean food, exercise and Shakeology (Google it). Though just day 3, I have had a serious AHA moment. Yesterday, Mike Messina, the at home winner of Biggest Loser Season 13, told his story on a conference call where people across the country dialed in to hear him speak. It was one of the most inspiring stories to hear and this was my second time hearing it. He is several months out after winning the at home prize and has some new insight I want to share.

One theme that I keep struggling with is the how daunting I feel my journey is. With 125 pounds to still lose, it’s not going to happen overnight, but it wasn’t gained overnight either. This is a process and I trust the process. Mike explained that after losing all his weight, it does get easier. I needed to hear this. Granted, the smaller you get, the harder it is to lose, but at goal weight, maintenance doesn’t feel like it does now…like a complete hot ass mess. He said that early on in his journey he decided to stop fighting it and started accepting it. I realized while he spoke that I have been fighting it. I try to keep a positive mental attitude (PMA…inspired by my hero Tara Costa), but it’s not easy. I have thought about giving up many times. I have weakened from the focus I never wanted to see waiver after returning home from my 22 pound loss at the Resort. I haven’t cheated and I haven’t gained, but I haven’t been sharp either. I forget to track my food sometimes, I drink Diet soda from time to time and though I do workout, I need to work out harder and longer and my mental state has been challenged and blurred. I am already fighting for my life; I don’t need to be fighting any other battles. So today, I accept it. I accept this healthy lifestyle with a sense of pride, tenacity, and patience. Instead of dreading my workouts, I will enjoy them and know I am living the life I have chosen. I will eat clean and mindful because it’s good for my body and because it’s my choice to do so. I have accepted that I have 125 pounds to lose and celebrate the 76 pounds I have already lost. This is a journey. There isn’t an end. I accept that. I am thankful for the chance to live how I want to live and that no decisions have been made for me because of my unhealthy weight.

I listened to Mike talk and I dropped a few tears not only because I am so proud of him, but because he is just like me. He lost 160 pounds without any surgery or magic. Just trusting in the process and working with a couple of amazing trainers. His conference call ended. I washed my face and got dressed to go get my ass completely kicked during 1 hour of Body by JHeb kick boxing sesh and may I say I LOVED IT! I felt like I kicked the shit out of the fight I was in with myself and left his gym with a renewed sense of who I am and what I want.

A true AHA! moment.

Shout outs:

To me: Do you remember how hard it used to be to get out of bed? To dry off after a shower? To be out in the sun? Do you remember that horrible feeling of greezy stomach after a fast food binge? Do you remember how bad you felt about yourself every single day? How sad? How scared? Do you remember the depression? The fear? Do you remember worrying about clothes not fitting? How your knees felt? Do you remember how your life was passing you by and you just kept eating? Do you remember standing in the kitchen alone crying and angry trying to fix it all with food? Do you remember eating more when already stuffed and feeling sick? Do you remember how you never wanted to go anywhere or do anything or talk to anyone about your weight? Do you remember how much you missed? How disappointed you have been in yourself?

Do you remember?

WELL, FORGET ALL ABOUT IT, you crazy B! YOU ARE NOT THAT PERSON ANYMORE. You have come so far and I am so proud of you.

Tips:

This journey is not a job. It doesn’t start and then end. This journey is a process.

Embrace it.

Trust it.

Accept it. 

{One Week Ago}

I am still alive.
by Betty

May I remind you a little over 8 months ago, I had pretty much accepted my fate and was prepared to live the life of an obese, unhealthy, unhappy, miserable, nasty jerk. Regardless of how much weight I still need to lose, I am no longer accepting that old life. I want to live the fit life. I don’t want to be skinny, nor do I care to wear a bikini, but I do want to be healthy, happy, and lovely. No more jerk. (Ok, may be not “no more”…less of a jerkJ)

I clearly remember the day that I told Cara (the marathon running extraordinaire) I WILL NEVER RUN A MARATHON. At heavier weights, running feels like I’d rather pluck all the hairs off my body with dull tweezers in freezing cold weather. IT SUCKS! My knees and my back and my entire body scream. But then I look down at my Body Bugg and keep going. Running (really, it’s jogging, I don’t run yet) is by far the best cardio you can do. After Cara ran her first half marathon, Michael twisted my arm and forced me to sign up for a 5K (wink). I really didn’t want to have anything to do with it. In fact, I waited until the last day to register. So opposed to the idea of paying to do something that I hate, plus the paramedic in me has always feared of dropping dead of a sudden cardiac arrest at the finish line. A little morbid, I know.

However…

Sunday, July 29th, 2012 I completed my first 5K and I am still alive. 

Fearing my cardiac arrest, I made my sister, Nicole do the 5k with me. I signed us up, picked up our bib numbers the day before and on Sunday morning my alarm went off at 6am. I have done 3 miles many times. Lake Merritt has become one of my most favorite places. It’s 3.7ish miles around and I started to walk a little faster, jog a little longer and improve my time every week in preparation for the 5K. All I wanted to do was finish.

Nicole and I arrived at the start line 5 minutes before. I knew Nicole would much rather be sleeping in, so in appreciation of her support, I bought her an ipod shuffle and loaded the same playlist that I had on mine so we could sing together. The days leading up to the 5K, I felt nervous and worried that I wouldn’t make it in the time they allow you to finish. I thought about how to get out of it and fake an excuse. I told myself it was my journey and Cara is the runner and that if I didn’t want to run this piece of crap race that I shouldn’t have to. I forced myself out of bed and into my clothes and to the start line to be shockingly completely enlightened.

First of all, it’s not a race. There may be people there trying to win, but the masses are there to sweat and cross the finish line. I looked around while waiting for it to start and felt like I was part of something that I have never known. I marveled at the fact that people do pay to come out early on a weekend morning to run. There were people much heavier than me, a pregnant woman that looked like she was about to push, parents with kids, a guy in a wheel chair, and people from all over the country. It was one of the most inspiring moments I have had on my journey.

The race started and Nicole and I got to work. The 5K start line was near the Ferry Building on the Embarcadero in the greatest city on the planet, San Francisco. It looped around and passed in front of the ball park and then finished just before the start line. I jogged over half the distance and speed walked the rest. While I profusely perspired, Nicole was beside me the entire time, not even breaking a sweat. Just before the finish line, Michael surprised me and ran the last portion with us. I crossed the finish line and behind my breathlessness, fatigue and ugly workout face (everyone has an ugly workout face), I felt proud. I don’t feel proud often, but Sunday, I felt proud of myself. I didn’t finish in record time, I didn’t run the entire course, but I completed that damn 5K and it feels really great. More than that and I am sure Michael will be happy to hear…it will not be my last. I loved everything about it (other than the running part, which I will work on every day).  Ambitiously, Michael wants me to sign up for a half marathon (13.1 miles) in November. That is TBD.

Shout outs:

Michael: It is because of you that I even was there. You have believed in me from the start and even when I have doubted the belief I have in myself. Thank you for pushing me, running beside me and knowing that I am capable of so much more than I think I am. YOU ARE AN IRONMAN! And I am profoundly grateful to have you in my life. Loving you more than loving seeing that finish line.

Cara! You are an MF BEAST! 13.1 miles and you finished 17 minutes faster than your last. I don’t even know you. They said your name as you crossed and all I could think about was blessed I am to have a younger sister I can look up to. You killed it. I am so proud.

Speaking of younger sisters I look up to…Nicole, I have always been your number one fan. Thank you so much for supporting me during the hardest 3 miles of my life. I am glad you didn’t have to perform CPR on me (30 compressions to 2 breaths…FYI). You know what it is to commit yourself to the fit life. You are a brilliant woman who will forever be an athlete. I am so honored to call you my sister. Thank you for laughing and singing with me during those 3 miles and being proud of me as I finished. I can’t really fully express how much you mean to me, but know it’s to infinity and beyond.

To everyone who sent me love and support on Sunday…Nani, mommy and dad, Victor, Potate, Amanda, Jonna, Dylan, Tracy, Taylor, Kian, Khalil, Gretchen, Christine, Ranelle, JHEB, Kenny, Meg, Heather, Essara, Uncle Mike, Kelly Ryan, Kasey, Kym, Jessica J, Tessa, Menne, just to name a few…THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH! Support and love really have inspired me to continue my journey. Without it, I would not be where or who I am now. I love you more than bread and butter.

Tips:

Go get your computer. Sign on and pull up Google. Type in 5k and the area you live. Find out when the next one is scheduled and sign up. No excuses.