{STRENGTH}

Oh, hello blog readers.

Hope this finds you well and sweaty. I have had some crazy days since my last ‘Time Management’ blog where I am sure I came across as a HOT MESS. Well, much to my dismay, but no surprise, I am still quite the hot mess, but I am gaining some strength in perspective. Slowly, but surely.

Strength. It takes strength to get up in the morning, put on a smile, work hard, and be a good person. It takes strength to do what is right and give what is good. It takes strength to stay on this journey and move forward every day. It takes strength to know when you need help and to ask for it. It takes strength to balance life and live it well. If strength is this necessary, I must reflect on it in my life. How does one learn how to be strong? I think part of my struggles with my weight have had to do with my lack of strength or my lack of believing in my strength. I have always been very fortunate to be surrounded by extremely strong people and it seems that it has only been over the last year that their lessons are really surfacing. Daily, I am recalling conversations I have had almost 10 years back that are just now being understood. I know I may not do everything right, but strong is one I can handle.

I met with the Big Boss Lady (BBL) today at work and she said something that I have heard many times, but today it stuck…”You can’t be everything to everyone”. This is something that I have struggled with since I was able to choose to live my life or help everyone else to live theirs. For the last 10 years, I really haven’t always lived my life. Glimpses here and there, but usually, I am surrendering my time for something or someone else. (This time management theme will remain present in most of my posts until I either die or figure it out). I have been proud to say that I have lived a life of service. I am blessed with a life that can contribute to bettering someone else’s so that’s what I do. Whether it be my parents, sisters, partner, friends, patients or strangers, I want to make life happier and easier for everyone else. Though it takes strength to do that, it takes way more strength to pull back. I honestly can say I still struggle with this. I would rather be unhappy in order to make someone else happy. And don’t confuse this with a people pleaser. I am far from a people pleaser, in fact, I have pissed off more people than I have pleased, but oh look…there goes the last f&*k I gave about that. If you are in my life, you must know I would give my last penny, shirt off my back, last ounce of food and all my time for you. It’s my gift. Even if I don’t do the best job at it. It’s the only thing I can truly and constantly unconditionally offer.

My public service has become what drives me and what makes me a true professional. As the Godfather Uncle Victor would say, I do it “so that others may live…”. I want to make a difference and leave an impact in the lives of other people. My heart is in the right place, but it is surrounded by a buildup of fat and probably some plaque that shows how little I have done for myself. This is the sharpest fork in my road yet. Which way do I go? Do I continue on a path that provides other people with a constant support or do I start living my life for me? To be happy, I must find the middle. I must continue on this journey I have started and do what is right for my heart, soul and mind. I will never stop and I will succeed. I must also continue to do the work I was placed on this Earth to do. Service.

I am grateful for the strength I gain from my BBL, family and friends to live my life for me and I am also dedicated to them until I take my last breath. 

May the strength that surrounds you, lift you up every day.

Update:

68 pounds down. I am plateauing a little bit, but I know why. I’ve had a few less workouts and a couple days with some long gaps in between meals. I have vowed to myself and to all of you that I will not fail at this. This journey has no U-turns. This weekend I will spend cleaning out my fridge (I may find WMD, but I live with a HazMat Captain…I will survive), refilling it with good food, lots of fitness and I am registering for my first 5K on July 29…thanks to Michael and Cara.

Shout Outs:

BBL: I thought I knew leadership and professionalism and then I met you. If I could be half the leader you are when I grow up, I will have achieved greatness.

Family: Nan, Mommy, Grode, Murr, Nooch, Ryan Dennis, Bun and Pup…Pinecrest, this year, will be epic. I can’t wait. Check for spiders before I get there, please.

Tips:

Whenever I find myself lost, I return to my roots. Good, fresh, healthy food, food tracking and fitness. Burn them calories.

BML.