For those of you that live in the Bay, you know Highway 101 well, or as Cara would say The 101. Hwy 101 is a pain in the ass. It’s busy, uneven, crazy and causes more heartburn than buffalo wing sauce and red wine. However, The 101 is also the path of least resistance. It is direct and the majority of my outings involve using this corridor. I would rather sit in traffic on The 101 than go all the way around on 280 (the more scenic, less trafficy route). I use this analogy of this highway because my weight loss journey thus far is similar to The 101. I want to be on the most direct route, however there is traffic; it is uneven and even though now there is less buffalo wing sauce and red wine, there is heartburn. There are accidents, road rage and lots of fuel used. Additionally, I compare my journey to The 101 is because I HAVE LOST 101 POUNDS.
Yes, this is my 100 pound post and I have mixed emotions.
I never started this journey thinking a 100 pound loss would even be possible let alone 100 pounds in 10 months. No matter how well I am doing, doubt is at the forefront. To reach a goal like this blows me away. 101 pounds. Ca-ra-azy.
I have been holding onto this 101 pound lost knowledge for a couple days and didn’t tell many people right away. John, my trainer knew right away (because I see his damn face every single day), but I thought when I reached 100 pounds, I would jump up and down and go by a BMW or something. Yea no. Instead I doubt. I look in the mirror and I still see someone who has not completely figured this out. I have a long way to go and my relationship with food is still broken. I still want to use food to cope with my emotions and even though, I don’t use the way I used to, I still use it. I am still saddened by what I did to myself and the fact that I am celebrating 101 pounds off my body is embarrassing. I have managed to change my entire life in less than a year…physically, but mentally, I still struggle. I still have doubt, insecurity, fear and shame. Forgiving myself seems near impossible. I know…101 pounds shut up, right?! It’s so awesome and I feel so proud, but in the same breath I can’t seem to find a smile. Instead anxiety, a couple angry tears and uneven traffic find their way to the surface.
Cara and I write this blog to hold ourselves accountable and inspire others the way we have been inspired. I try to keep my posts positive and encouraging, but this is life…real life and it isn’t like the effin Sound of Music. (Well, I guess it is, but instead of singing and smiles, it’s boot camps and hiking). Cara and I have both just reached huge goals on this journey and will be giving Phat Chances a little face lift as well as the Phat Chance Facebook fan page we started. The motivation behind telling our story is simple…inspire to be inspired. Whether 1 person follows or 100, we are humbled by this journey and feel so fortunate to be able to share. With that said, I would be doing a disservice to anyone who reads it if I didn’t tell my truth.
Every journey is different as is every struggle, but what they all have in common is the ability to pick yourself up and remember why you started, why it even matters and what you need to do to make the changes necessary to be successful.
These 101 pounds will not go uncelebrated and I am profoundly proud of myself for having come this far. Every bucket of sweat, every portioned effin plate of unsalted, ranchless food, every clothing size decrease, and every person that supports me has all been so worth it. I am changed for the better because of it. There is more work to do. There will always be work to do.
Not even sure where or how to begin. I have never felt more love than I have since I started this journey and for the people who have been there all along, I was just so closed off I never saw it. To the new people, you have enriched this journey beyond words and I will be forever grateful.
I dedicate this song the people in my life that love me as I learn to love myself…thank you.
Cara Marie…Whoa. We had a Phat Chance in hell to do this right. Thank you for never giving up on me.
To me: You may never be a saint, you swear a lot and have more issues than People Magazine, but you know who you are and what you want. Do not ever allow yourself or anyone or anything to stand in your way. Continue to fight for your life, for what is right and for the people that stand beside you and believe in you when you don’t believe in yourself. I give you my word that this life is worth it. You are worth it. 101 pounds…so badass. Learn that forgiveness will release you from all the guilt and shame and do whatever it takes to get to a peaceful place. With a little more work, you will be one of the greatest people you know. And you know some really freakin great people.
Take The 101. It may not be best ride, but it will get you there.