Just a reminder the Biggest Loser season 14 starts this Sunday!!! As frequently mentioned in other posts, the Biggest Loser TV show has always served as a gleam of hope for me. Regular people just like me trying to make a change when they feel like they have nothing left. Struggle is struggle. It’s transparent. For those that watch the show, may you find inspiration and peace in knowing you are not alone. For those of you who don’t watch it, start. Support it.
My trainer, John ‘Body By J-Heb’ Hebison plays a song repeatedly (unfortunately for some) during group workouts that has really got me thinking. I ended 2012 excited and hopeful for 2013, but just 3 days into it, I was struck with my usual lava flow of doubt. It creeps up all slow and thick and takes over. I know what I have accomplished. I know what I am capable of. I know how to get to where I want to be, but there is a current that runs through me causing me to wonder if life is just meant to push you whether you make it or not. The last thing I want to hear during a sweaty exhausting workout or resisting cake and soda would be “Good work, keep going, but you will never get there”. Shoot me. Sometimes it feels that way. I am surrounded by people who hustle. They work their asses off to build businesses, lose weight, raise amazing kids, lead teams, create, improve and persist to reach their goals. I am constantly in awe and always inspired. I would never think they were working this hard and won’t ever reach/sustain their goals, so why do I doubt myself?
Cara and I recently met with this awesome TV producer named Drew. We were being interviewed about the Biggest Loser Resort (details to follow) and during the interview he asked some really tough questions. Questions about where I am now, where I used to be and what got me to that and this place. Reflection like that always returns me to a confident state internally, which allows me to see my work is, at the very least, notable. Though, I still have a ways to go on my weight loss journey, a talented TV producer would not be setting up lights and cameras in my house if I had not done something worth a bit of his time. (Although, I do believe my family could be on a seriously successful, but horrible-train-wreck-addicting style reality TV show….mess). Drew returned back to LA to begin editing and I returned to a reset, reminded that I am proud of what I have done, insanely lucky and grateful to have my sisters, Cara and Nicole beside me and an ever-constant intensity to never allow myself to return to the person I used to be.
How-the-fuck-ever, as 2012 rung out, 2013 rang in with a completely different bang.
I missed a couple workouts, ate some pie, had a meal or 2 over 500 calories and replaced some of my water intake with champagne, Jack, Jameson and Ciroc during this past holiday season. Though, I did not gain one pound, I didn’t lose one either. Some would say maintaining is a success, but for me, right now on my journey, I must maintain momentum. I am not being too hard on myself and believe me I enjoyed my treatssss, but I had a workout the other night, my first 1:1 session of 2013 and a therapy session with JHeb that allowed my slight fall back to surface. It’s not even a fall back. It’s the thought of a fall back that turned my excitement from 2012 into daunting doubt for 2013. I cried. I got angry. I wanted to give up.
How-thankfully-ever, I managed to get myself out of the rut I ever-so-easily succumb to with the help of some of my Hall of Famers. They are my family, the people I spent the holidays with my fellow BLR alum, my boot campers, my dearest friends, some brand new friends, my mentors, fellow hustlers, fans and Phat Chance blog readers. I am humbled and inspired and committed to the process…the journey…my life.
An entire year could have gone by…12 months, 365 days…entire year…A WHOLE YEAR….2012-2013, like so many other damn years….an entire year could have gone by without a change. Or the exact friggin opposite could happen. For me, with all the ruts and doubts, the exact opposite happened. 2012 was one of the hardest, but most rewarding years of my entire life. In honor of JHeb and his amazing, but occasionally overplayed song, I go into 2013 knowing I could be the greatest, I could be the best, I could go the distance, I could run the mile, I could be a hero and I am doing it for my pride.
To the people in my Hall of Fame: I dedicate the song “Hall of Fame” by The Script to you. You are students, teachers, believers, leaders, champions, true seekers and I am changed for the better…for the best, because of you.
Johnny…Get it right. Get it tight. Thank you for believing in me, dealing with me, and pushing me every damn day. This the year.
To the Biggest Loser Resort: Cara and I hope we did you proud in the video and we hope we continue to inspire people to go to where it all started for us.
Mike Messina!!! Our dearest friend and at-home winner of Biggest Loser 13, has ventured out to pay it forward. He has joined up with Dr. Huizenga of the Biggest Loser at a wellness retreat called The Clinic (you can check it out here). Mike is on staff as the Trainer and Motivator. These places exist to help you change your life. We wish Mike and The Clinic much success and thank you for inspiring us every day.
To me: Make 2013 be even better than 2012. It’s goal weight year baby. Stop doubting it, jerk. Here we go…