Lessons Learned

One of the best aspects of being here is that we are not just pushing ourselves physically, we are pushing ourselves mentally. We are learning so much information and we are gaining knowledge to make this possible at home. Physical exercise is a huge part, it must be included in our lives. Our bodies were meant to move and we are learning that it is so important to make the heart rate rise. Intervals are great for that.

There were several Lectures we attended this past week: Budgeting your Calories, Spending Your Calories Wisely, Emotional Eating,  and Intuitive Eating. In all we have learned about choosing the better options about how to calculate calories in versus calories out, but most of all it is all information we need to be successful on this journey, here and beyond.

Some of the most important things that we have learned are things that we hope to pass on to people reading this blog. So here are some basics, if you are interested in more we are happy to share everything we have learned.

The plate method is how to organize your plat when you are eating. This is an awesome way to help to basically change the way you eat.

With Emotional Eating series we learned some of the most important aspects of Emotional Eating is admitting that you are. First you need to express yourself, talk to someone, write, scream, or cry it out express what you are feeling and why. Once you do this you can start to control the eating that comes along with the emotions. You will still have the emotions, but you will find a new way to work through the emotions instead of with food. Because there will always be the chance that you turn to food, you have to replace the bad. Find healthier options for the "trigger" or "avalanche" foods. No matter what you must express yourself and figure out what and why you are eating mindlessly.

We also learned about the 90/10 Rule. You do not have to give up "treats" you have to plan for them. Make your food intake 90% of your week and each week have a treat that is 10% of your intake. An example is this, if you eat 3 meals a day that equals 21 meals a week, 10% of that would be 1 meal. You still need to focus on portion control, you can't go crazy here, but you can enjoy it! If you go out to eat a meal and really want the cheesecake at the end, eat a healthy portion controlled dinner so you can use the 10% on that dessert. You also should allow yourself to enjoy MAJOR holidays. When you think about it there are only 4 or 5 major holidays in a year. Celebrate those days because you don't celebrate everyday or even every month. And no matter what tomorrow is a new day, you can always go back to the gym and refocus your caloric intake. Don't allow one day or one meal to make you fall back.

Don't be afraid to fail. Be afraid not to try.

Day 6: December 3

Hello Saturday. 

0600 Stretch w/ Jake

0700 Breakfast: Mango Smoothie w/ whole wheat english muffin and 1oz strawberry jam

0800 Prep for Activities: Options are Hike, Cardio Blast or Pool

0830 Cardio Blast w/ Cameron

0945 Open Gym

1115 LAST CHANCE WORKOUT w/ Cameron & Katina

1300 Lunch: Tuna Nicose Salad (I had the Boca Burger Option)

1300-1530 Spa Appointments

1630 Graduation for Departing guests

1730 Dinner: Salisbury "Steak", mashed sweet potato, and steamed veggies dessert was banana, pineapple, and strawberry with a dark chocolate drizzle

Today was above all one of the best days we have had here. Saturday's are half days of workouts. They actually want us to rest our bodies in prep for next week and they want us to take advantage of the spa services offered here (full salon, nail salon, facials, massage therapy, chiro, and more). But before we could do any of that we had 2 classes and the famous LAST CHANCE WORKOUT.

Cameron was an awesome trainer today. He set up the Aerobics room with 6 circuit stations, all were working different parts of the body, but it would work our whole body. There were only 6 people working out so it was actually like a private personal training session. We were challenged and pushed. All stations had about a 1 minute workout and then we rotated and had to complete all stations before a break. It was 45 minutes of heart pumping AWESOMNESS! Betty and I then spent another 45 minutes in the gym doing cardio. I was on the treadmill and she rocked out on several machines. A few of us wanted to keep some energy for the LAST CHANCE WORKOUT, but I just felt the urge to jog, so I went 2 miles on the treadmill and really pushed myself to get my legs moving. I felt stronger and that was important to me. 

Cameron and Katina set up the course out on a back field behind the resort (it is also where the fire department set up a landing zone for a helo that landed for a trauma transport, something that also pushed me to use the body I have been given because I can). There were 7 stations and similar to our circuit training in the morning we were using every single muscle in our bodies. Not everyone came, but the group that participated were meant to be there. There was so much camaraderie and support in our small groups of 3 that rotated and worked hard in each station. This was 60 minutes with only 3 small breaks between each set. Talk about intense, but so good. At the end we brought it in for a huddle and we finished on a loud and meaningful "hard work". Super thankful for the people and the trainers all of which pushed it hard today. And so looking forward to some rest.

We went straight to lunch and then at 2:00pm I had a scheduled 50 minute massage. Then it was nap time. At 4:30pm anyone interested could attend "Graduation" which is meant to say farewell to outgoing guests and to celebrate our achievements for the week. We also watch and are give copies of the picture and video of all of our hikes. So sentimental.

This week although a lot of physical hard work has also proved that there is a lot of mental hard work to be had. If your brain tells your legs to keep going they will, but if everything says stop you will not go another step. Katina has a great motto that she hopes everyone can leave with "Be harder on yourself in the gym and easier on yourself in your head". There is so much that I wish I could write down all day long, but I am moving and I don't always have my phone with me. I do have a few photos from today that I am happy to share, but I feel that so far this blog and the photos do not give this place justice. Tomorrow is about rest, although we are going to hit the gym for at least an hour and swim for a while we are sleeping in and looking forward to the Sunday staple OMELET BAR!

Again I want to thank so many people for so much support. This makes our journey so much more meaningful and attainable.

{SATURDAY LAST CHANCE WORKOUT}

Today was one of the hardest and one of the best days yet.

My alarm went off for stretch and I literally felt altered. I could not move. Harder than any other morning. So I told Cara to go to stretch alone and I slept for another hour. Woke up and struggled through a very tough workout with Cameron. I focused today on pushing myself really hard. Even though I know I am giving a lot to my work outs, I know that I have more in me. Today was also last chance work out. If you watch the show, you know what a last chance work out entails. (If you don't watch the show, what the F is wrong with you?) Last chance is just that, your last chance to really push yourself before weigh in. Today I did not give up once. Even when I needed to slow it down or take a break, I kept going. The last chance work out is optional. Twenty-two people showed up today and I felt proud to be one of them. Cameron reminded us that it was optional and praised us for our dedication. I think what I loved most was that the ladies and guy, Cara and I have become close to were also there. Coming to this Resort, I never once thought about the relationships Cara and I would form, but that is turning out to be one of the highlights of this whole experience. In a matter of one week, we have met people that will be in our lives forever (even if they live in Idaho). Tonight it became very clear that these relationships are a huge part of the journey.

After the last chance work out, we had a break and I slept solid for 2 hours. We woke up and went to the graduation for departing guests. Each guest talked about their experience and every single person mentioned the relationships they have made with other guests. Everyone here, no matter their weight or ability, are here to make a change for the better. That common fact brings people together. During last chance, everyone was working so hard. Pushing themselves every step of the way. That really motivates me. When I want to give up, I can look around see all these amazing people running, lifting, focusing. Throughout the week, a wonderful lady that works for the Resort, comes around with a video camera to chronicle the work outs. They played the video after dinner tonight and it was a true example of people coming together to do one of the hardest things in life...change. The video was exactly what I needed on day 6. There is a profound bond that forms among people who are fighting for their lives. We all have different stories, but we are all here doing something to make better lives for ourselves. I feel honored to sweat beside these people. There is no judgment, no bullshit. Just raw emotion and tenacity. We all get a copy of the video so we can show anyone who wants to see it when we get home.

Today I worked out with a woman named Kim Hanks during last chance. We have met, but don't know each other well. She has many weeks at the Resort under her belt over the year so she knows the ropes. She pushed me to my limits. She is an ass kicker and works so hard during every work out. She runs fast, never stops and motivates me to do the same. Another example of how these relationships are a huge part of my journey. Of all our journeys. After the cardio circuit with Cameron, I really didn't think I had anything left in me for last chance, but Kim got me through and I am so proud of myself and so thankful for her.

I met another lovely lady tonight at graduation. We sat through dinner talking about her story. I asked her if I could share her story in the blog tonight because 1. it's a little rough and very personal, and 2. I take many things for granted in my life and hearing her story reminds me to be thankful.

Her name is Heather M. (different from my BL bestie Heather A.) and she is from North Carolina. She married her husband 4 years ago and they tried to get pregnant. Unsuccessful, they started IVF. After 4 trys and miscarrying 2 times, she wanted to take the money they were spending on IVF and put it towards adoption, but her husband was set on having a biological child. Doctors warned her that multiple IVF attempts have side affects, but they pushed on for a total of 7 IVF attempts. All failed. Last year she was diagnosed with cervical cancer. She was treated for it and had a hysterectomy. She lost all her hair, but is alive. During her battle with cancer, her husband cheated on her. She was devastated. She booked her trip to the Resort to get away and make her changes. She was supposed to be here for 4 weeks, but left tonight after two weeks because she is trying to work things out with her husband and he wants her to come home. Prior to leaving for the Resort, she was diagnosed with breast cancer and is scheduled to have a double mastectomy upon her return home. This woman sat through dinner telling me her story and all I could think about was why her? Why has all of this happened to her? And how the eff do I sit at home eating my emotions in a house I own, with a partner that loves me, a family that supports me, a great job, and great friends? Everyone's problems are their own, but when you hear a story like that, my problems don't seem as bad and I am almost angry with myself for my lame ass bullshit. Heather M left tonight and returns home to more struggle than one person should have in their lifetime. I wish only good things for Heather and hope she finds peace. I will remind myself of her everyday I think about crying or whining over something insignificant in hopes I send her some strength to make it through her day.

Shout outs:

Taylor...my sweet friend. I miss you. Thank you for your letter and texts. You have been so successful in your journey and now reap the benefits of wearing your hot little outfits and hot little shoes. You have always motivated me to work harder and play harder. I love you, PFS.

Kim, my last chance partner...thank you. I can't believe I survived that.

To the BL staff...I can't thank you enough for my food, work outs, clean sheets, mental health, and support. You make the hard days a little easier and the good days fantastic.

Keith Ulley...my brother "Billy" the Jersey Fire Fighter...you make me laugh everyday. You have been a highlight this week for me and I know next week, our last week, will be even better because of the great guy you are. Thank you for your unconditional friendship and banter.

Heather A and Kelly "Potate"...ADORE YOU SO MUCH. Thank you for your friendship and food stories. I am glad we can laugh about it together.

Tips for the day:

You can make it through tuna with some mustard.

Perrier water is a gift from heaven.

Be grateful for your life and who you are everyday. Life is short. You are worth it.

Betty's Fantastic Friday

Oh Friday. I have missed you. Today was not quite as rough as all the other days, but that doesn't mean I didn't sweat through my shirt, suffered from serious respiratory distress and felt like I had vomit at the back of my throat all day. Whether it's me getting stronger, or just an easier day, today was slightly better. 'Slightly' being the key word.

Sometimes I can't believe how quick the days go. When my alarm goes off at 5:15am and then I snooze and get up after 5:30am and some annoying ass comments from Cara about me being on 'Betty time', I feel like the day will never end. Stretch, then breakfast, then the 'effin hike which never ends, then back to the Resort for stretch, lunch, a lecture and then 3 back-to-back work outs before dinner...it flies by. There is so little time in between our 2nd work out and water time that we run back to our rooms rip our sweaty clothes off, throw them on the floor and pull on our swimsuits and run back to the pool. Today I got to the pool and realized I didn't put on my flip flops. How does one forget their shoes? I walked bare foot and didn't even notice. It's hectic, but the structure provides us with a packed day full of everything we need. Trust the process.

Cara and I were so close to only booking one week at the Resort when we first started talking about it. One week is definitely enough to give you a jump start to return home with lot's of lessons and prep, however, I am so happy we booked two weeks. Meeting today with the 'stay-over' people reminded me of that. Both Cara and I have a lot of work to do to prepare for home. We are being detoxed from our additions and eating disorders which I feel, for me, needs more than 1 week. I feel like this week I accomplished a lot. Physically, I have never worked this hard in my entire life. I am eating well and drinking tons of water. I feel cleaner inside. Not sure if that makes sense, but I have distinct recollection of actually saying "I feel greasy inside" after eating fast food. How disgusting, right? The food here is fresh, creative, yummy and most importantly prepared for us. Food is the reason I am here so it helps that I don't even have to think about it. I just eat what's in front of me and get to focus on my mental and physical state.

Everyday I think about returning home. The prep that I need to do and want to be diligent about. I need to clean out my cabinets and fridge and get my ass to Trader Joe's the second I get back. I need new Tupperware to pack my food. A gym membership. And a solid routine. I need to work a set number of hours everyday that I can plan my workouts around. I need to prep my food and cook for a couple days in advance. The key for me is to always have something available and ready to eat at home and with me at all times. I know I can't find myself hungry with nothing to eat. I am a food addict. If you have ever been addicted to anything or know someone who has, you know removing any potential obstacles is important.

I believe there are events in our lives that leave significant impacts. Impacts that make us see life differently whether bad or good. Some of the significant events in my last 5 years involve the birth of my two nephews, my FEMA strike team deployment to the Hurricanes in the Gulf, my promotion at work, my friendship with Kian, Nicole moving back home, the purchase of my home with Monica, my weight gain and now my experience at the Biggest Loser Resort. I am so blessed to have the opportunity to make this happen for myself. Let's be honest, this place isn't cheap and leaving work and home isn't necessarily realistic for the average hard working person. I am so thankful that my general manager, Jerry Souza approved my 2 weeks and supports my journey. I have watched the Biggest Loser for many years and whenever I hear the contestants say 'if I can do this, you can do this' I want to throw the remote at the TV and go find some chips, a sandwich, soda and cake. I have been so out of shape and so unmotivated that doing something like this was so far from any possibility. I still can't quite believe I am here. But I am. And this event in my life has and will continue to change me. It has made me a better me. It will change my life forever. What I want to say is that if you are struggling in your life and think things will just not get any better, MAKE THE CHANGE NOW. What was I waiting for? All those years of shame, embarrassment, fear, avoidance I can never get back. But I can make up for it now. The time is now. Not tomorrow. Now. Do it. Save your life. You are worth it. I am worth it.

Cara and I realize that not everyone can get to the Resort in Malibu, but the lessons we have learned must be shared. We have decided to plan a Biggest Loser day when we get back. We will invite all our friends and family and provide copies of all the lessons and work outs as well as tips to get your ass out of bed in the morning. We are by no means experts, but we have learned from the best and want to share it with anyone who wants it. Our journey has just begun thanks to all we have learned here. Words do no justice to the gratitude I have for this experience.

Shout out's:

Cameron, one of the trainers. He is 25 years old, but has the wisdom of someone much older. He is genuine and so motivating. He's got swag which is what I love most about him. He will drop some funny comments that not everyone picks up which I appreciate so much. He sat with us at dinner and talked about the training he does with disabled people. He has the biggest heart and is invested in his craft which makes him so good at what he does.

John my hiking guide. He walked with me the entire hike. The hike today was so hard for me. I wanted to give up so many times. He is an EMT and aspiring paramedic so we talked about pharmacology, heart rhythms, and some of my craziest calls. I love how dedicated he is to emergency medicine and will be giving him a huge recommendation for AMR in Ventura County. If I could get him to move to San Francisco I would hire him in a second. I wish him the best.

Meg Gazaway, and Kelly 'Potate' McCain, my new BL friends, I am so thankful for you. You are such beautiful people that have made me feel stronger than I have ever felt in my life. In one week, I feel like I have known you for years. I was blessed to be able to come here with my sister, but your friendship and efforts inspire me everyday. I adore you.

Heather Acheson, my Cardio Disco dance partner and fellow detoxer, I have seen you in pain everyday and know that this is not easy for anyone let alone someone with injuries. You work so hard and make me want to work harder. We have just started talking about our journeys, but I believe we have some very similar things to share with each other. You are a strong, beautiful woman that deserves the life you want. We live close, so leaving the Resort will not be the end of our journey together. Cara and I will always be right beside you in the Bay. Thank you for your honesty and raw emotion. I appreciate you.

Noochie...(Nicole, sister), I am so proud of you. I hate that I have missed these last basketball games, but your team is 3-0! You are a leader and have the opportunity to impact the lives of these SI girls that look up to you as a female collegiate athlete. I can't wait to come cheer you and your girls on when we get back. You are so amazing and I am so proud to be your sister. I rock my Oregon Tee's everyday and think about you everyday. I love you, Noochie. So much. GO WILDCATS!

Cara, hiker of the year, good work. Keep it up. You are stronger and more fierce than I thought and I have always thought you were a baddass. I could not do this without you. I love you more than I hate hikes.

Tips of the day:

If you count your foot steps, you will go further. I literally counted all my foot steps on the 'effin hike today and survived.

I am an ice fan. I have always filled my glass with ice. I am in heaven here with a great big ice machine. Ice and lemon make me drink so much more water.

Don't forget your flip flops. 

Day 5: December 2

Fun Fantastic Friday

0600 Stretch w/ Jake

0700 Breakfast: 2 silver dollar whole wheat pancakes, scrambled eggs and mixed fruit

0745 Hike Descriptions & Departure

0800 Hike: Backbone Trail at Encinal

1115 Stretch w/ Tina

1235 Lunch: Cesar Salad Pizza and Mushroom Soup (so gooood!!!)

1315 Prep for Next Week: we had a few announcements and we each had to share successes and hopes for next week there will be 29 returners next week

1430 Circuit Training w/ Cameron

1530 Cardio Disco Jam w/ John...Travolta

1630 Liquid Moves aka Pool Volleyball

1545 Dinner: Chicken Tostada and pineapple sorbet

Hooray...almost done with week 1. What an amazing day. The Santa Ana winds slowed down today and made room for beautiful blue skies and the sun to warm us on our hike. I really enjoy the hikes, it is actually something I will carry over from here and hope Ryan and the boys will join me for day trips. You will hear from Betty that she absolutely HATES the hikes. The the Malibu Hills and Canyons are no joke, but the outdoors and being out of the gym makes it so enjoyable. Today, I was pushed on the hike. And LOVED it. Hike guide and our stretching extraordinaire, Tina, took me at my pace ahead of the rest of our group and she wanted me to really push it. The hike was a 6 mile hike we almost made it to the top of the second mountain range but had to turn around to be on time. I hiked almost 6 miles in 2 hours. I have decided this is my success for the week. And Tina is so funny and smart and I really really enjoyed getting to know her.

Betty will be adding more tonight as well. I am not sure yet what she will be posting, so there might be a little repetition in our blog post tonight, but hey isn't that what we are doing all day long...repetitions. 

I can tell I am getting stronger. I pushed myself on the hike came back and felt good about my performance in Circuit Training and had so much fun in Cardio Disco Jam. Although Circuit Training is high intensity, I felt that I had a really good handle on my workouts today. I am really proud how strong I pushed it today and to think today was the hardest to get out of bed!

I want to talk more about this "RESORT". The rooms are so comfortable (you will never be in it other than changing and sleep) but everyday the room is cleaned and the bed made. I imagine that most rooms are a complete disaster for the cleaning staff to work around, but they really do a great job. The whole resort is very clean and very pretty. The dinning hall is beautiful and the main building with the store, dinning hall and offices is really nice. All staff here the front desk, hiking guides, trainers and wellness staff are so kind and helpful about EVERYTHING. 

There are so many people here. Like I have shared all week we are creating new friendships and connections with people that we hope to know for our lifetime. This is such an intense program that when you are this emotional the people around you are the ones to push you harder and to help you through the pain and sweat. They keep us laughing and sharing our journey. I am so happy to have these people in my life for accountability and friendship. Kelly, Heather, Meg,Haley and Susan are all such strong women and we are so proud to call you our friends.

I am so thankful for this experience. I am extremely grateful to our followers. This is not easy and your support has been amazing. For anyone thinking about coming here we are happy to talk to you, and send us an email, there is a referral credit that we all can benefit from. I was talking to Tina today as we blasted through the hike, when you think about the cost of being over weight, the cost of a medical condition this is TOTALLY worth the money!

And finally...WE LOVE OUR DUCKS! Congratulations to the Oregon Ducks football Inaugural PAC 12 Champions. We look forward to the Rose Bowl!

Betty's Day 4

I can't frickin believe it's already Thursday. I have done more in four days than I have done in my entire life. Part of it feels good and part of it feels like I was beat with a baseball bat. Either way, I am taking control of my life and I am happy with that.

They say while you are at the Resort at some point many people have emotional break downs. I have not had a complete break down (yet), but I did struggle emotionally today. A song came on during stretch that made me think of the love of my life and I dropped a few tears. I think about the fact that I am so blessed to have someone who loves me enough to stand beside me even when I don't love myself or show love to her. I have not been an equal partner and can't seem to forgive myself for that just yet. Monica has stood beside my meltdowns, binges, frustrations, tears, avoidance, fear and failures. And what do I do for her? Drive her through for fast food, decline activity and allow her to keep our home together all by herself. Doesn't seem like something I would stick around for. But she has and I will be forever grateful for the love and support she gives me.

Gerry and Estella, a couple from Biggest Loser season 7 spoke at lunch today and I literally cried from the moment I entered the room and saw there 'before' pictures. I walked past Estella just before the talk started and without any prompt she said "I believe in you and you can do this". What a moment. There is nothing like seeing an ordinary person just like me be successful. People can do this. I can do this. I was one of those people that said "tomorrow" or "Monday". The day is today. There is no going back.

During Treading today, I almost died. Ok, may be I didn't really almost die, but I felt like I was going to throw up, pee, shit my pants and fall on the floor. But instead, I cried. I was prompted to push away all of the hard feelings I have about myself and realize my worth. I have trouble dealing with the fact that I allowed myself to be unhealthy. I did this to myself. I feel embarrassed and ashamed and feel not worthy of love from me or anyone else. I am working through these emotions, but it is so hard. How did I not see this happening? I just kept shoveling the dirt out of my grave, getting closer and closer to something really bad happening. I am a paramedic that has seen what happens to unhealthy people. I have treated a 35 year old female having a heart attack. I have treated an obese 22 year old type 2 diabetic. I have done CPR on a 38 year old obese female with a history of severe hypertension. I know what happens. I know the consequences, yet I have eaten more fast food, sugar, salt and calories to last 2 lifetimes. I am not ready to die. But I will die much sooner if I don't make this change now.

I can hardly believe I am actually here doing this for myself. So many times I have tried. Signed up, gone to meetings, planned my food, tried to be aware. So what's different now? I have cried wolf many times. Why would anyone believe that I would be successful? Why should I believe in myself? BECAUSE I AM MUTHA EFFIN WORTH IT! That's why. This is my journey. My life. I do this for me. The time is now.

Shout out's:

Nancy, my hiking guide today, reminds me so much of my mom. She is so active, so loving, so giving, so encouraging. I walked and tried to talk (tried being the key word...I am so out of breath, I can barely stay alive let alone carry on a convo), anyway, Nancy encourages me and I am so thankful.

Noochie (aka Nicole, sister)...sing with me.

"The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I figured out, I have to learn again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But everything changes
And my friends seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness"

Everyday I forgive myself a little more. I love you more than I hate hiking. And that's a lot.

To Suzie Barbee, Sarah Fong, Lucas Muncal, Kara Vassily, Johnny O'Donnell...thank you for following us and commenting. It really helps to know our co-workers/friends support us this much. AMR peeps...you are all loved so much by us.  

Monica, love of my life...I just outed us to lot's of people for the first time so get ready. I am so sorry for not being the partner you deserve, but the greatest gift I have ever received is your unconditional love. You have seen all the bad, all the binges, all the anxiety, all the stress, all the frustrations and yet, you still love me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for loving me everyday even when you might not like me. I do this for me, for you, for us. You are why I wake up everyday. I give me more than I deserve, but know that there is not one second that goes by that I am not so thankful. This is our life to live and I can't wait for it. Without you, I am without. I love you more than fresh ice, sleeping in, and TV.

Day 4: December 1

Thursday...really. Cameron (at 6am stretch) said welcome to Thursday...I thought, its not Thursday yet...HOLY CRAP it is! WE MADE IT TO THURSDAY and guess what we FINISHED Thursday!!!

Schedule

0600 Stretch w/ Cameron (49er Fan!!)

0700 Breakfast: Turkey bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich on a whole wheat english muffin w/ mixed fruit

0745 Hike Descriptions and Departure

0800 Hike: Reverse Solstice

1115 Stretch 

1230 Lunch: Pulled turkey club in a half pita with mixed greens and veggie soup

1315 Lecture: Cooking Demo 

1430 Ball Works w/ Katina

1530 Treading w/ Katina

1630 H2O Intervals w/ Katina

1730 Dinner: Grilled chicken breast, butternut squash puree and broccoli, apple cobbler for dessert

What an amazing day today. Just when we think we cannot go further...Ryan(my husband)sends a text messages everyday, today was 

"though you may feel like you are walking through the valley of the shadow of death, fear no evil for y'all are the baddest mutha' effers in the valley"

I would love to have everyone reading this blog experience this even if for a day. it will change your life. There are so many emotions and changes happening within and around us right now. There is so much support here, I cannot even begin to express the importance of these people. They know that by today all of our walls are down, that we are 100% vulnerable to a complete break down. I want to thank Katina (like Katrina no R). She is a trainer here and this week we have seen her a lot, she has been training our "purple" group through the afternoon classes. She is energetic and knows her shit...not just the training, but the mental and that is more than half the battle. During one of the harder cardio classes called Treading (high intensity for 5 mins., recovery for 5, high for 4 mins, recovery for 4, high for 3 mins, etc) she played the most meaningful music. High pump impact music during that fast moves, low meaningful and mindful music on the recoveries. As you will read in Betty's post tonight it was emotional. There was music that had meaning in our lives and that pushed us through, reminded us of the people we love and cherish in this life that we want to live better for. Thanks, Katina!

We also had the privilege to hear from Jerry and Estella Hayes, they were the at home winners of $100,000 from Season 7 of Biggest Loser. This week we have hiked with them, swam with them and had meals with them. They are living proof that this works. They are amazing public speakers because they are real, they are not reality stars or too good to share their secrets, they are everyday grandparents, loving and caring and extremely kind. Today, we heard their whole story. I was crying from the start...Biggest Loser saved Jerry's life...and when you see the pain that Estella has when she talks about how hard life would have been without him, you cannot help but make that connection. They have been married for 45 years and now being fit and healthy they make sure to share all they know with as many people as possible. Such inspiration. As Jerry shared with us...

"Believe in yourself. Trust the process. Change forever."

*Just a reminder, Jerry and Estella lost this weight after being on the show only 2 weeks. What they learned stuck. What they learned saved their lives.And they have been in maintenance for 3 years This works.*

EVERYONE NEEDS TO WATCH THIS VIDEO.

I want to thank everyone following this blog and this journey. If you can make this commitment, do it. You are worth it. We all are worth it.